Mom says no to being a 'quarantine queen'
Some parents seem to be crushing this pandemic. They're the homeschoolers getting an A-plus, the ones cooking gourmet meals, the ones who manage to squeeze in a workout despite working full time and caring for kids.
Call them the "Quarantine Queens."
In an article for Scary Mommy, Sa'iyda Shabazz, said when self-isolation began, she had aspired to be a quarantine queen. No more.
"There would be so much time to do all the things," she wrote.
But these days, Shabazz told "Good Morning America," she's just trying to keep it together.
The Los Angeles-based writer and single mom to a 6-year-old son said: "I have friends who are baking 40 loaves of bread, reading all the books. These people are goals."
For the majority of moms -- Shabazz included -- these "goals" are not attainable.
"We should aspire to do the best we can within out own parameters," she told "GMA." For Shabazz, that means getting dressed each day and having her son do the same. She works while he attends school Zoom meetings and said "killing it" for her would be completing a book.
Shabazz thinks setting unrealistic expectations could have dangerous consequences. "If you push yourself too far what does the backslide look like?" she asked.
Experts say this time should be focused on self-care, not necessarily self-improvement.
"Perfectionism is rooted in conditional self-worth, which means, 'I believe in myself if and only if certain conditions are met,'" clinical psychologist Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo told "GMA." "For these quarantine queens, their conditional self-worth is rooted in productivity and perfectionism. 'In order to feel good about myself, I must do something. And I feel even better about myself, it has to be impressive enough for others.'"
The danger, she said, is that with conditional self-worth, "you never feel good enough. You’re on a kind of self-worth treadmill where are you keep spiraling but getting nowhere."
Shabazz thinks it's time to temper our expectations on ourselves and our kids. "This could be going on for a while," she said.
Lombardo said setting an example for the children is a good idea.
"Give yourself permission to relax, meditate, exercise, enjoy a book, or start a new hobby not to be productive but rather to just enjoy the process," she said. "Model that for your children."
Sa'iyda Shabazz is a mom and freelance writer. You can follow her on Twitter @xoxsai
