‘#IMomSoHard’s’ Kristin Hensley and Jen Smedley bring the hilarity in new book
Comedic duo Kristin Hensley and Jen Smedley starred in the web series “#IMomSoHard.” The pair, who will be going on tour in May, are also going to be releasing a book titled "IMomSoHard."
"Good Morning America" has your first look. Here's an excerpt of the book.
'We Introduce Ourselves So Hard'
Before we get started, let us tell you how we got the idea to #I MOM SO HARD.
We both lived in Nebraska through college, but we never found each other, even though it’s not heavily populated and you can see for a hundred miles in every direction. We had all the same friends. We were studying the same subjects, and we went to all the same bars. Kristin’s roommate was even in an improv group with Jen, and yet we never met. It was like Sliding Doors, but with more Cornhuskers gear. A bunch of near misses.
After college, we both moved hundreds of miles away from Nebraska and somehow ended up only a block apart from each other in California. Not that we knew it, though. We were doing all the same things, had all the same friends, and we still never met. We weren’t total twinsies — Jen was into weird witchy s--- (she’s not a Wiccan or anything, but she believes in crystals and stuff) and felt naked without jewelry, and Kristin was more of a tomboy — but it is insane that the stars didn’t align and arrange a meet-cute for us.
And then one day, the universe caught us. We found ourselves outside a small, weird theater that used to be a hair salon, drinking brews in the parking lot, which was a welcome throwback to our Nebraska days, minus the banging sounds of Warrant. Even that night, it took us a while to meet. We kept circling and narrowly missing each other, until, finally, we were back-to-back loud-talking to different people about Nebraska. We both turned to each other in unison and said, “Wait. You’re from Nebraska?”
Now, imagine a Rolodex flipping really, really fast as we shouted out the names of every single person that we knew in common. It was like we were mad at each other:
Jen: KRISTY SCHWEDE?!
Kristin: I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HER! HOW DO YOU KNOW HER?!
Jen: WE BOTH WORKED AT TGI FRIDAYS!
Kristin: CARRIE SMILEWOOD?
Jen: YES!
Kristin: NO!
Jen: SHE’S BEEN MY BEST FRIEND SINCE WE WERE LIKE 15!
Kristin: MICHELLE ASHLEY?
Jen: I DID IMPROV WITH HER!
Kristin: SHE’S MY ROOMMATE!
Jen: NUH-UH!
Kristin: YES-HUH!
Jen: I WAS AT HER GRADUATION PARTY!
Kristin: I THREW THAT PARTY!
We exchanged phone numbers and started hanging out a day or two later. We just began in the middle. It was like we didn’t have time to pussyfoot around, so we acted like we’d known each other all along. We got each other right from the beginning. You know when you’re a little kid and you would stare awkwardly at the kid in front of you and ask, “Do you want to be my friend?” And that kid would say, “Yes,” and then you were bound for life? That was us. One of us would call the other and be like, “Hey, I’ve got Ritz and spray cheese and half a bottle of wine left. You want to come over?” And the other one would say, “Give me five minutes.” It felt like being home.
We hung out constantly. We flipped each other’s s---, and we laughed. A lot. When you have a friend who can make fun of you for your excessive gray hair — or your lip hair — it’s the most wonderful medicine. It takes all the air out of how serious any situation is, and that’s what we try to do for each other. We also respected each other, and we celebrated each other’s wins. Not everything was a friggin’ Hallmark movie or one big Sarah McLachlan song, but for the most part, we had a sense of humor, and we were tougher together.
We met during that “I’m not sure what I’m doing with my life, but I know that I’m doing it wrong” phase of adulthood. If you’re single, you start to feel like you should be married. And if you’re married, you ask yourself, Why did I do this to myself? Because we were both single, we spent most of our time on our careers: Kristin as a teacher and a commercial actor (when the work came), and Jen as a salesperson for skincare products and a writer (when the work came).
We were able to be very patient and understanding with one another because we were both fighting the same good fight: survival. Keeping your car running. Paying your bills. Going to the dentist. Looking happy. You know, the same stuff you try to do now, only while you’re also keeping unappreciative children alive.
When we didn’t talk for a few weeks, we still picked up from where we had left off. You know those kinds of friends? The ones where you don’t have to say, “I’ve been busy,” “I’ve been sad,” “I’ve been lazy,” etc.? You can just say “cheers” and open the floodgates? Everyone needs one of those, and that’s who we’ve been for each other.
Eventually, we both got married. Then we went through pregnancy together, and that sealed the Friends-for-Life deal for us. It’s amazing that a friendship can get even deeper after you have kids, but the right mom friend is a lifesaver. Because, let’s face it, when you’re a new mom, you feel incredibly isolated. You feel so far away from family, from work, from friends. But one of us would call, and before the phone was even hung up, there’d be a knock at the door, and someone who got it would be on the other side. Within minutes, we’d both be crying, both feeling like utter failures, wondering, Why doesn’t anybody tell you it’s like this?
One day, after Jen wiped snot from her chin with the back of her hand, she said, “You know what? We crack each other up. I bet other moms could use a laugh, too.”
Between us, we had four small children, zero time and even less energy, and no real plan, so we thought, Yes. We wanted to make something for you to watch when you’re up in the middle of the night worrying about SIDS or whether you’d seen the "To Catch a Predator" van on your street — something that would cheer you up instead of making you think about how everyone you love will eventually die.
And of course, we did it wrong. We decided we were going to be like talk-show hosts, thinking that if we were super happy and peppy, we’d make other moms happy and peppy. People love Rachael Ray, right? The problem was, peppy was the furthest thing from how we felt.
When we were ready for our first shoot, Kristin had a raging period and cystic acne so big and so covered in blush that it looked like she’d put a clown nose on the wrong part of her face. Jen was sweaty and had on a cardigan that was too tight and too hot. She’d been breastfeeding and was so engorged that her sweater was coming apart — and not in a good way. Her eyes were little slits. You could barely even see them. It was like she’d just lost a fight.
We started filming, and Kristin chirped in her best Kelly Ripa, “Hello!” and introduced herself and her kids. When it was Jen’s turn, she introduced herself and said her son’s name, and then she froze.
“My daughter’s name is . . . [crickets].”
SHE HAD FORGOTTEN HER DAUGHTER’S NAME.
It’s Delilah. Her daughter’s name is Delilah.
In all fairness, Delilah was still attached to Jen all the time, so it wasn’t like Jen had started using her name regularly. Delilah wasn’t bringing anyone the remote or anything. And, like a really good friend, instead of helping Jen out, Kristin snort-laughed. “You just forgot your kid’s name!” She would not let it go.
We didn’t even have a full video. But we knew there was something really awesome in Jen forgetting Delilah’s name, so we said, “Why the hell not?” and posted it. We got 5,000 views in two days, and we said, “Holy moly, there are women commenting on here who we don’t even know!” And then we agreed, “That’s the sign.”
So we did a Mother’s Day video. We did one on hemorrhoids, one on the joy of Spanx, one on sex after kids. And no matter what, no matter how peculiar or sad or weird we got, women said, “OMG, me too! I thought I was the only one.”
We did a postpartum episode, and we talked about some pretty dark stuff, mostly about anxiety and how Kristin was afraid every time she walked through a doorway that she would hit her son’s head on the door and his head would explode, which we’re pretty sure would defy the laws of physics or at least carpentry. Doorways terrified her — and do you know how many doorways there are in the world? Every room has at least one! After we posted that video, so many moms were like, “I have that fear too!” Other moms chimed in to say that they were afraid that they were going to fall off a cliff while holding their baby. Or dangle him over a balcony, MJ-style.
We realized that no one was showing the kinds of conversations moms have together in an open, honest way. That’s what we do. It’s just real. Real relationships, real women, real love. We make fun of ourselves, not other people. We’re not judging anyone. It’s not about our kids. We don’t want to talk about must-have products or a funny way to put on a Baby-Björn. When we get comments, 90% of the time it’s “What lipstick are you wearing?” and then it’s women tagging a friend because it’s the same conversation they’d just been having. No matter how out-there or specific your particular screwup or neurosis is, you’re not the only one. It’s like porn. There is always someone out there who has the same quirk you do.
The truth is, being a mom is f*cking tough, but it is so much easier when there’s someone who understands and has your back. We’ve got to be there for one another. We’ve got to love one another, support one another. Because — let’s be honest — no matter what we do, the kids are going to blame us for all the stuff that goes wrong in their lives anyway. Nobody’s ever in therapy in 30 years going, “Hey, by the way, my mother has nothing to do with why I’m here. She’s blameless. Nothing but inspirational.”
There’s simply no such thing as a perfect mom. You know that mom who seems to have it all together all the time? Who’s real happy, who doesn’t have someone else’s boogers on her face, and who likes to bake things to bring to school when it’s not even her day? Let us tell you something: she’s bawling in her shower just like the rest of us.
Nobody’s got it figured out. You’re not the only mom whose kid ate detergent for breakfast. We all just want to do the best job we can do. And if it’s not the best job, we’re going to be fine with that. We all need to be okay with being just okay some days. You’re not alone in this, you guys. You’re doing great. Or you’re doing good enough — and that’s great!
Welcome to the party.
From #IMOMSOHARD. Copyright © 2019 by IMOMSOHARD Productions LLC. Reprinted with permission from HarperOne, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers.
