Billie Eilish opens up about sexuality, effects of fame and more
Billie Eilish's third studio album, "Hit Me Hard and Soft," is less than a month away, and ahead of its release, the two-time Academy Award winner and nine-time Grammy winner is opening up about how the new project reminds her of her first album.
Eilish, 22, who released "When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?" in 2019, said working on "Hit Me Hard and Soft" has felt like "coming back to the girl that I was."
"I've been grieving her," she said in a cover interview with Rolling Stone published Wednesday. "I've been looking for her in everything, and it's almost like she got drowned by the world and the media. I don't remember when she went away."
'I was never planning on talking about my sexuality'
Ahead of the new album, the "What Was I Made For?" singer said that she isn't releasing any singles from it.
"I don't like singles from albums," she said. "Every single time an artist I love puts out a single without the context of the album, I'm just already prone to hating on it."
"This album is like a family: I don't want one little kid to be in the middle of the room alone," she added.
Eilish spoke to Rolling Stone about how one song on the album in particular -- titled "Lunch" -- helped her open up about her sexuality.
"That song was actually part of what helped me become who I am, to be real," Eilish said. "I wrote some of it before even doing it with a girl, and then wrote the rest after."
"I've been in love with girls for my whole life," she added. "But I just didn't understand ... I was never planning on talking about my sexuality ever, in a million years."
'I've had some scary things happen in my personal life'
Reflecting on her success over the years, Eilish also spoke about her level of fame and how she sometimes overthinks what she shares with the world.
"I feel like I've been beaten down to feel this way," she said. "The way that the world has treated me into feeling extremely anxious about everything that I say. It's really exhausting when anything I say can become a headline, completely taken out of context, and it leads to constant paranoia."
She said that her safety is also something she grapples with daily.
"I had some scary things happen in my personal life and my safety was compromised a couple of times, and that's a big part of my life," she said. "That is something I just have to live with. But I don't know, it really made me resentful of my life, when you can't even be in your own house."
The singer said that these realities of fame have led to struggles with mental health, saying that she experienced depression last year that was "realer than it's ever been."
"My whole life, I've never been a happy person, really," she said. "I've been a joyous person, but not a happy person. I experience joy and laughter and I can find fun in things, but I'm a depressed person. I've suffered with a lot of depression my whole life. When things happen in my soul, or whatever, the thing I've always held on to is 'Well, it'll pass. It'll come in waves and it'll get worse and it'll get better.'"
"And that's always brought me comfort," she added. "And this time, I literally was like, 'I don't care. I don't even want it to get better.'"
'I hit a turning point'
Eilish said her family, including her brother Finneas, and her best friend Zoe Donahue helped her cope with her depression, and despite the low points, she said she eventually "hit a turning point."
"I had this moment of like, 'Oh, my God, I haven't had fun in seven years,'" she told the outlet. "Truly. I had this illusion that I had, because who experiences going to the Grammys at basically 17 and winning five?"
"But in life, I realized I had really not experienced that much," she added. "I didn't go outside for five years. How was I supposed to have any experiences?"
By not enjoying life as a young adult and not going out, Eilish said it fed into her obsession with being perceived as "cool."
"That used to be a thing I would strive for," she said. "I used to be so obsessed with this mysteriousness, and I think that's 100% why I didn't make any friends, because I didn't want anyone to know me, because I wanted everyone to think of me as this mysterious, cool person."
Eilish added that the upcoming album serves as a way to change that mindset and reflect who she is at her core.
"This album, to me, feels like a way to restart, in terms of my sharing," she said.
If you or someone you know are experiencing suicidal, substance use or other mental health crises, please call or text 988. You will reach a trained crisis counselor for free, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You can also go to 988lifeline.org.
