Review: 'Lift' is a humdrum heist movie that steals time you'll never get back

Kevin Hart says he doesn't want to be funny. At least not all the time. And he achieves his dubious goal in "Lift," a humdrum heist movie now on Netflix with a few jokes thrown in. Come on, legions of Hart fans would revolt if their favorite clown decided to deep dive into drama.

Don't panic. "Lift" is barely a baby step out of the shallows for Hart, not unlike his thespian duet with Bryan Cranston in 2019's "The Upside," a surprise hit given the sentimental setup of Hart as an ex-con playing caretaker to Cranston's quadriplegic billionaire.

Hart is too smart to toy with his hit-making mojo. It's more likely he's following the lead of his former costar Dwayne Johnson, who's made a pile in the action hero game. Hart is hardly The Rock. But Cyrus Whitaker, the suave thief he plays in "Lift," is dressed to wow as he puts the moves on gorgeous Gugu Mbatha-Raw as Interpol agent Abby Gladwell.

Sadly, the romantic chemistry between the two is less than zero. Hart fares better in motion as Cyrus organizes an art robbery at a Venice museum that sparks a speedboat chase with the law through the picturesque canals. With ace director F. Gary Gray ("Set It Off," "The Italian Job") at the helm, "Lift" initially shows promise as a globe-trotting caper flick.

Until it doesn't. Just when Cyrus plans a new scam with his crew, including Vincent D'Onofrio as Denton, a master of disguise, Úrsula Corberó as Camila the getaway driver and Billy Magnussen as Magnus the comic-relief safecracker, all bets are off.

Things change when the Venice job goes sideways, and Abby -- still furious at Cyrus for lying about his criminal identity during their five-day fling in Paris -- prepares to haul off his entire team to the clink for their nefarious deeds.

That's when Abby's hardcase boss, Dennis Huxley -- a total waste of "Avatar" star Sam Worthington -- offers Cyrus a get-out-of-jail-free card if he pulls off one job for the alleged good guys. That means robbing $500 million worth of gold, weighing 10 tons, from a moving passenger jet en route from London to Zurich.

Sounds exciting, huh? Well it isn't, not for a minute. The actors in the air and on the ground basically wait around until a fight breaks out on the plane that is so clumsily shot and edited that you can't believe a director as skilled as Gray had anything to do with it.

And the script by Daniel Kunka races from place to place without taking us anywhere we don't already know from the cliché handbook. The gold belongs to a terror group run by master villain Lars Jorgensen, a part that strands even the great Jean Reno in the land of the lame.

How can Cyrus and his crew pull off this mission impossible? It's a movie, folks, and logic is the first thing to get sucked into the void. Hart, a notoriously rehearsal-phobic actor, claims he actually spent time preparing to portray Cyrus. You'd never know it. Either he's staring blankly into space looking vaguely miffed or wondering where he is, just like the audience.

They say that January is the month Hollywood uses to bury its blunders. "Lift," too lazy to even pass as throwaway fun, bears out that notion. You can still honestly call it heist movie since Hart and company steal one hour and 44 minutes of time you will never ever get back.