Melissa Gilbert is opening up about her lifelong experience with misophonia.
In an interview with Dr. Zach Rosenthal, the director of the Duke Center for Misophonia & Emotion Regulation, published Aug. 20, the "Little House on the Prairie" alum said misophonia has made her feel like an "other" throughout her life.
"It made me feel afraid and isolated and, when triggered, angry," she continued. "I also felt incredible guilt for what I considered 'bad' thoughts."
'Little House on the Prairie' cast talk 50th anniversary, remember Michael LandonMisophonia is a condition in which a person experiences a negative emotional reaction to specific sounds, with each person's experience with the condition being unique to them, according to a study published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology.
"My whole childhood and life, I felt like I was constantly on alert and was always waiting for the 'attack,' for the moment someone would make a sound that would make me want to flee or scream," Gilbert said.
Some of Gilbert's "worst triggers," she said, included "open-mouthed chewing sounds," but she added that there were "different levels of bad."
"Gum chewing sounds are bad, but popping and snapping gum are worse. Loud chewing of food is bad, but chips of any kind and popcorn are agonizing. Nails tapping on a table and clicking pencils can be triggering and sometimes even finger snapping or hand clapping," she explained. "The last one being a particularly interesting problem, considering I love being on stage."
Gilbert said for most of her life, she thought she "was just a bad person with bad thoughts" and that "no one cared about me enough to stop making triggering sounds."
"The day I found out that what I have has a name, I sobbed," she said. "Not only did I feel better knowing I wasn't out of my mind, I realized that I was not alone."
Gilbert said she turned to cognitive behavioral therapy for help with her misophonia, saying it "changed my life."
"The therapy gave me an incredible toolbox of coping mechanisms. Many of which I use nearly every day," she revealed. "I cannot begin to express how much more peaceful my life is since going through treatment. Misophonia doesn't go away, but the therapy I did gave me the coping skills to better control my misophonia and not allow it to totally control me. There is great healing in being able to take charge of my misophonia."
Gilbert said she is discussing her experience with misophonia hoping "to inspire other people with misophonia to seek help that will work."
"Even more importantly, I want people to know they are not alone. I know exactly how they feel," she added. "I know the fear, anxiety and fury that come with misophonia and I know there is help. Real, true, life-changing help."