Years from now, when Hollywood Yodas decide what killed movies, fingers will point at a shameless rehash like "Bad Boys: Ride or Die," now riding and dying only in theaters where the wallop of widescreen images and deafening sounds will attempt to prove that audiences will never tire of being served leftovers as the main course. Resist, people, before it's too late.
The fourth time is the smarm in the "Bad Boys" bang-bang buddy-cop franchise that came in hot three decades ago on the star power of Will Smith and Martin Lawrence as, respectively, Miami detectives Mike Rowley and Marcus Burnett who never learned how to play by the rules.
Even back in 1995, the shootouts and car chases felt tired. But Smith and Lawrence knew how to sell the junk they were peddling. They did it again in 2003 and again in 2020's "Bad Boys for Life." When is enough enough? Bad Boys: Ride or Die," at 115 minutes, feels like a life sentence.
For the record, "Bad Boys: Ride or Die" is not a bad movie, just another mediocrity trying to cash in on what came before, which may be worse in an industry where an original idea is now an endangered species. For Smith and Lawrence, it's a safe way to bolster their box-office cred.
Smith, on an apology tour since he slapped the sass out of Chris Rock at the 2022 Oscars, needs a popular win. There's a scene near the end of "Ride or Die" when Smith gets slapped over and over by Lawrence, who calls him a "bad boy." Funny? You bet. But is it sufficient to buy him out of movie jail? We shall see.
MORE: Review: 'Hustle' radiates love for the game in every frameThe plot? You may be sorry you asked. You can't blame film-school colleagues Adil El Arbi and Bilall Fallah, Moroccan-born directors who like being billed as Adil and Bilall, for using the script by Chris Bremner and Will Beal as a flimsy excuse to blow stuff up. That's how it's done.
It all starts with Marcus's best friend's wedding. Soon after Mike proclaims his vows to Christine (Melanie Liburd), best man Marcus hits the dance floor like a man possessed. I'm being as serious as a heart attack, which is what Marcus suffers. Near death, he fantasizes a meeting with his late boss, Capt. Howard (Joe Pantoliano), who wants Marcus and Mike—with the help of the Cap's US Marshall daughter (the great "Better Call Saul" star Rhea Seehorn)— to clear his name.
The resurrected Marcus now believes he can't be killed, though the script's lame jokes about Marcus's Skittles diet die a thousand deaths. Still with me? Someone is linking the Cap to a drug cartel. So Mike and Marcus go on the run with do-badder Armando (Jacob Scipio), previously ID'd as Mike's son, to clear his name .Who's the real villain? Honestly, do you care?
It's all just an excuse to get the blood up as our bad boys trade insults while dodging bullets on a military chopper, taking on the National Rifle Association and going mano a mano with crocodiles at a Florida theme park.
MORE: Review: 'See How They Run' is a wicked fun whodunit that goes down easyThe Smith/Lawrence teamwork is the only thing that holds this nonsense together. With AARP cards in their future, Smith, 55, and Lawrence, 59, leave a lot of the heavy lifting to the younguns, such as Vanessa Hudgens, Alexander Ludwig and Paolo Núñez, reprising their roles as members of AMMO (Advanced Miami Metro Operations).
Do the suits think AMMO can carry on the "Bad Boys" series when the OGs hang it up? That's delusional thinking. With "Ride or Die," "Bad Boys" has officially reached the point of diminishing returns. Knowing when to leave can be the smartest thing that anyone can learn, and that includes stars and audiences. They had a good thing going. Going. Gone.